Its been a long week and I’m feeling a little worn down. I hate these stupid highs and lows of emotions. Or the fact that little comments can completely throw my entire day. Like today, it was a nice Friday – wind down to the end of a long week and was SO looking forward to a haircut after work. On my way back from lunch I get this asshole go “ni hao”.
Now normally racist comments like that don’t bother me, but this was the THIRD goddamn time this week that shit like this happens. The first time, ok, brushed that off. Second time I replied “fuck you” which they were just a little surprised, before then ran themselves into a parked car (me and the 2 other strangers that witnessed the scene laughed loudly). The third time tho was just a little too much over the edge so much so that I froze up and didn’t say a word. I was right mad, not only at myself for letting him get away with it but angry that this happens a little too often in this country. I have a lot, A LOT of patience, and have put up with a lot of bullshit but sometimes…ick. I just feel dirty when it happens.
Its strange. Last Saturday another similar incident happened while a friend and I walked home from a night out. It was uglier comment that time, and I was really, really pissed off. And angry that it happened to my friend as well. I thought that after a while we’d both forget about it and she wouldn’t be so bothered about it. The truth was that she felt really, really awful about it but didn’t want to speak about because she didn’t know what to say. She brought it up later and expressed her anger and sorrow about what happened. She felt that since the Olympics were so near maybe people are being more aggressive and ruder to anyone that looks Chinese. That may be the case, but I just thought people like parading their ignorance more often and thinking its actually ok.
I am having a hard time trying not to say racist things back, as I don’t believe in fighting racism with racism. And I don’t like just staying silent and idiots think that they can get away with it. I do pick my battles, like I don’t retaliate when I’m alone at night lol – I’m not that dumb. But I’m just not sure what to do or say.
I really hate feeling helpless in these situations. I’d like to think that people would stand up against this when it happens but there’s attitude I find in England is “mind your own business” or maybe “ignore it and it will pass”. That’s bullshit in my opinion but that’s what I got to work with sadly.
I suppose I can hope that what goes around comes around. I’d rather be there to witness when it does come around. Heh. I can only look forward to better weeks than this week. It’s been a downer, so this weekend can only get better!
